the teddy bear suicides

hello blog

been ages since i last posted.
so i figured, why not, since i REALLY need to vent.

so far, 5 days to my exam.
spent roughly 100hours prepping but hell, am i NOT ready for this ! taken quite a few mock exams with a pass rate of an average of 50%. zzz, how does one work and study and pass all at the same time ! *CRIES*
worse. decision. ever.

please. just. let. me. pass. PLEASE T_T

may the force be with me (i really really x1023595124960) need it.
cheers.

and this is me. trying my best.

meh.

a quick post before i sleep.

this is the end of my life as i know it..

long story short, my team is understaffed so i'm working 7am - 5.30pm days now on till we're not so understaffed and then i can do 7.30-5pm.

that's like 9 and a half hours in the office, wtf. this is no life at all.

good bye life, was nice knowing you. i'll see you again in october.

poor baby. tis not a good time to be a chauffeur. meh. time to sleep. toodles.

may the force be with overworked polar bears,
cheers~

panic mode: ON

so exams start next tuesday.
exam schedule is as such:
16th - international banking and finance
17th - auditing
19th - treasury management
23rd - advanced financial accounting and practices

am.. so so screwed. and yes, i'm blogging (whee) coz i'm on my break.
so so sooooo stressed X(

i wish i had a higher retention rate but wth, slog it out for two more weeks

this is the current state of my room X(
BOTH tables are strewn with notes, text books, journals and notes.
yes, its a bit hard maneuvering round everything but i'll manage.

and if you look carefully you'll see a box of strepsils on my table. did i mention i'm horribly sick (again)?
meh, i hate melbourne weather changes. i get sick EVERY SINGLE TIME, grr.

wish me luck people !
and much thanks to those who called to check in on me or messaged or generally, are just there for me (;
even a simple 'good luck' makes me feel much happier (even if its for a fleeting moment or two)

c'mon jien, guan, yina and those whom are finishing this sem ! time to go out with a bang (;

may the force be with this last stretch,
cheers~

fitness ann.

actually, not quite. hahaa, though i've been going gym a crazy amount lately. adrenaline-addict apparently. plus still very gung-ho since i just signed up.

the rush is dying down. have been super lazy to go lately.
or maybe it's just coz its been like 10 degrees lately.

test tomorrow. ibf.
exam schedule's out. very packed schedule indeed. 16, 17, 19, 23rd.

wen if u read this means i'll be really free to layan you when you come melb already since my exams are all crammed into the start of the exam period.

my past week was kinda weird.

to be honest.. i can't really remember what i did.
what i do remember was going to seven at the end of easter break and running into jennifer there. dinner with her, cal and bob sometime later. dinner at oriental spoon to celebrate brian's birthday and drinks after at cho gar.
getting the randomest request from wen to help her buy her plane tickets to melbourne.
assgt and test on fri, going gym after and deciding to take a 'shortcut' home and reaching home an hour later :(
the most awesome (and expensive) peking duck at old kingdom with cal, sandhi, vlad, alex and rofl, vlad's parents, heading home, grabbing my makeup and seven again (zomg, we really have to stop going there..), a night of wii-challenging/football watching sat, and being a plus one on sunday O_o
dinner and j-wow with wilson then back to zagame's for drinks with the penangites.

and today. WORK WORK WORK. do work ! haha. test tomorrow ~ rwar !

first some photos ! most are on fb already though.. well, seems there are tonnes of photos. this is what happens when everyone has a few shots too many and the camera.. travels.
it comes back with dozens of total randoms.

only photos at the clubs though.. all other photos from other events are either non-existant or not with me.

clubbing with the penangites last fri
although, it being seven, met others so quite a few pictures with foreign aliens =p






and when jen was in melb






ok, break time's over.
time to study a bit and then head to gym.
cheers people.

trying very hard =((

i'm so tired. so very very tired. random cute photo of iorek because he's adorable.

i've got company reporting tomorrow, and yes, i know i should be studying but i'm going crazy from having studied nonstop all day for the past few days.

yet i'm still rather.. contented. it's a weird paradox being stressed yet contented.

but that's because i'm feeling really grateful..
to my sweetheart for having to put up with my stressed-out phone calls at all times of the day and night, and yes, 5am calls are strangely comforting and for always doing a great job of making me feel better. marginally at least i guess. i can't really feel good during exam period =(

to my wonderful siblings for calling me up to check on me and of course to my brother who tapaos food for me every now and then because he's scared i'll starve, teehee.

to my parents whom keep telling me however i do they'll still support and love me ! teehee (although i'm trying to do well still)

to my housemates who leave barli in the fridge and cook dinner and leave food for me and generally being all-round nice (;
i'm still quite.. sad coz all of them are acting like exams are over (they have like a two week break between exams so.. generally, more relaxed) but that's ok ! i will get through my exams !

yes, i will get through my exams.

doesn't help that it's sooo hot, sobs.

investments on friday =((

may the force be with me *please god, let me do well*
cheers~

she's 21 too!

i decided to give ms. jien lim one last shoutout on her special day =)

happy 21st babe ! even if *cough* it was a bit unstrategically placed *cough* aren't you glad we still had time to celebrate with you ? and threw in a whole bunch of surprises too ! teehees

am sure u'll do FINE for both ur papers tmrw (;

u finally joined the ranks of a twenty-one year old ! wakakkaa, does that make u feel OLD?

ok, yea, now i've gotta study again.
exams start TOMORROW, noES !

baibai

may the force be with god smiling down on me and my exams,
cheers~

tergendala!

study plan super tergendala !~

so now it's all

and less of

and

hahaha, yea, right. i'm still gonna happily be watching shows, surfing the net, being on the phone and sleeping but i just have LESS time to do it !

exams start on friday people, wish me luck !

oh and a happy birthday to ms. jien lim, i'm glad you enjoyed the surprise party we threw for you last night

(,: someone's all grown up and 21 now *wipes tears*

may the force be with me, big time.
cheers~

series of unfortunate events

i'll just keep the roar coz its cute.
otherwise, whatevs people, all's good now.

aside from the whole feeling rather lost and confused and detached from it all bit *sigh

ANYWAY,
corp law time!

what happens?

what happens when you did really badly for all your internal assessments?

what happens when you really need those Ds, but with ur effing bad internal assessments, there's no way you can get it?

what happens when all you're geared to do now, even at the expense of ignoring ur friends (sorry, ppl.. especially my housemates >.<), comes to no point?

what happens when those bouts of headaches and stress and depression prove what you always knew?

that you were never really that good but you'd like to think so otherwise. you hopes so because everyone expected you to have such a bright future and u'd hate to disappoint them but this is the best u can manage and it's nowhere near what was expected

what happens when everything seems so bleak, but you still have to soldier on?

what happens?

nothing. absolutely nothing. you smile bravely, you spend only what time's needed for food and baths and you push yourself, your mind, your sanity to the brink, to try bring this home.

i hope i get my Ds. after my last sem of horribleness, i have to say my self-esteem has been eroded beyond comprehension. am clutching at straws but please, let me do well.

i never

i never realised how close to the exam i now am
i never realised how hard my subjects are until i open my books
i never realised how much i have to do, and how little time i have to do it
i never realised how stressed i was about it till i figured how why i have had a three-day-persistant-headache-which-isn't-going-away
i never realised how much i sometimes hate all this, but not wanting to let it slip me by anyway
i never realised how much my parents depend on me doing well until i received the letter from home
i never realised how small my bank account is now (what happened to all my pay?) and that it's time i curb my retail therapy as its not doing me any good
i never realised how fat i'm getting coz of all the chips and cookies i've taken to munching all the time

i never realised how much i can complain when i just have a channel to let it out.

it's my blog, let me be.
i'll resume to being normal tomorrow after i've grumped out a bit.

i'm gonna be a basketcase in a bit anyway.

achievements

its hard to see your dreams shatter.
painful to see your hopes slide out of grasp.

photo stolen from deviantart. no photocredit.
no idea who i stole it from. sorry.

i do try. i really do. i just don't know how to save myself anymore. i'm sliding down too fast and it's getting so late.. too late to reach out.

may the force be with photostealers,
cheers~

feeling rather useless

10simple ways to save yourself from messing up your life

1. Stop taking so much notice of how you feel. How you feel is how you feel. It’ll pass soon. What you’re thinking is what you’re thinking. It’ll go too. Tell yourself that whatever you feel, you feel; whatever you think, you think. Since you can’t stop yourself thinking, or prevent emotions from arising in your mind, it makes no sense to be proud or ashamed of either. You didn’t cause them. Only your actions are directly under your control. They’re the only proper cause of pleasure or shame.
   
2. Let go of worrying. It often makes things worse. The more you think about something bad, the more likely it is to happen. When you’re hair-trigger primed to notice the first sign of trouble, you’ll surely find something close enough to convince yourself it’s come.
   
3. Ease up on the internal life commentary. If you want to be happy, stop telling yourself you’re miserable. People are always telling themselves how they feel, what they’re thinking, what others feel about them, what this or that event really means. Most of it’s imagination. The rest is equal parts lies and misunderstandings. You have only the most limited understanding of what others feel about you. Usually they’re no better informed on the subject; and they care about it far less than you do. You have no way of knowing what this or that event really means. Whatever you tell yourself will be make-believe.
   
4. Take no notice of your inner critic. Judging yourself is pointless. Judging others is half-witted. Whatever you achieve, someone else will always do better. However bad you are, others are worse. Since you can tell neither what’s best nor what’s worst, how can you place yourself correctly between them? Judging others is foolish since you cannot know all the facts, cannot create a reliable or objective scale, have no means of knowing whether your criteria match anyone else’s, and cannot have more than a limited and extremely partial view of the other person. Who cares about your opinion anyway?
   
5. Give up on feeling guilty. Guilt changes nothing. It may make you feel you’re accepting responsibility, but it can’t produce anything new in your life. If you feel guilty about something you’ve done, either do something to put it right or accept you screwed up and try not to do so again. Then let it go. If you’re feeling guilty about what someone else did, see a psychiatrist. That’s insane.
   
6. Stop being concerned what the rest of the world says about you. Nasty people can’t make you mad. Nice people can’t make you happy. Events or people are simply events or people. They can’t make you anything. You have to do that for yourself. Whatever emotions arise in you as a result of external events, they’re powerless until you pick them up and decide to act on them. Besides, most people are far too busy thinking about themselves (and worry what you are are thinking and saying about them) to be concerned about you.
   
7. Stop keeping score. Numbers are just numbers. They don’t have mystical powers. Because something is expressed as a number, a ratio or any other numerical pattern doesn’t mean it’s true. Plenty of lovingly calculated business indicators are irrelevant, gibberish, nonsensical, or just plain wrong. If you don’t understand it, or it’s telling you something bizarre, ignore it. There’s nothing scientific about relying on false data. Nor anything useful about charting your life by numbers that were silly in the first place.
   
8. Don’t be concerned that your life and career aren’t working out the way you planned. The closer you stick to any plan, the quicker you’ll go wrong. The world changes constantly. However carefully you analyzed the situation when you made the plan, if it’s more than a few days old, things will already be different. After a month, they’ll be very different. After a year, virtually nothing will be the same as it was when you started. Planning is only useful as a discipline to force people to think carefully about what they know and what they don’t. Once you start, throw the plan away and keep your eyes on reality.
   
9. Don’t let others use you to avoid being responsible for their own decisions. To hold yourself responsible for someone else’s success and happiness demeans them and proves you’ve lost the plot. It’s their life. They have to live it. You can’t do it for them; nor can you stop them from messing it up if they’re determined to do so. The job of a supervisor is to help and supervise. Only control-freaks and some others with a less serious mental disability fail to understand this.
   
10. Don’t worry about about your personality. You don’t really have one. Personality, like ego, is a concept invented by your mind. It doesn’t exist in the real world. Personality is a word for the general impression that you give through your words and actions. If your personality isn’t likeable today, don’t worry. You can always change it, so long as you allow yourself to do so. What fixes someone’s personality in one place is a determined effort on their part-usually through continually telling themselves they’re this or that kind of person and acting on what they say. If you don’t like the way you are, make yourself different. You’re the only person who’s standing in your way.

interesting article
best thing about it is, its true but i doubt i'll be able to put it into practice.
other articles of this vein can be found in the link above.
have fun.

this is medieval bunny. there is no point to medieval bunny except for the fact that i changed everything on chie's lappie to medieval bunny when she was bathing last time i met her. that'll make it.. december.

right. there is no point to medieval bunny.

feeling rather useless at the moment.

may the force be with medieval bunny,
cheers~

power'd by hugs

i have just been told that caulfield and clayton may not be accepting applications.
or. they are. just very few.

and i still haven't received my offer letter. i am so scared.

and with my outstanding results, i'm sure i can go.
[super sarcastic mode here]

someone remind me why i'm taking accounts and finance? i can't understand anything at all.
i am so scared i won't even be able to manage the credit average.

where have all my brain cells gone?

sigh

lyrics from bowling for soup's shut up and smile:

all we need is an icecream and a hug.

how apt.

poor darling. he's hard at work keeping me company.

yes, i know i sound as if i'm verging on psychosis. *shrugs*

chie. i want a hug ='(
virtual hugs work too. not too picky at the moment.

i need my results. back to my books.

ej, wen and i have decided that ej will be the nerd, i'll be the geek and wen's the dweeb.

so. i am ann, the geek. lol. i love those girls. they always cheer my day.

oh. and i lifted a fortune-cookie-telling site from ming's blog. apparently i would do well to remember that radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

erm.... right.

may the force be with (still) stressed out smurfs,
cheers~

officially, i am..

ms. extremely worried smurf.

stress has increased ten-fold. no wonder i'm getting white-streaked hair.

some people i know got offers to monash unis in aus. i haven't.

and its been almost two months since i put my application in.

kl isn't all too bad but all i ever wanted since i was in primary was to go melbourne to study. dreams that get washed away hurt more than hopes you can't achieve.

it's not good to harbour dreams. refer to demotivational posters two posts prior to this.

but i do know those that got to unis they don't want.

i hope that doesn't happen to me.

most of my assignment results are out. money and caps is terrigible. so's marketing. god knows how i'm gonna manage my credit for these two subjects.
at least law and acctg seem savable so far.

last major assignment due monday. bless the day i met jien. she really saves my life at these times.

finals is in three weeks.
its so near! there's no time left.
i can't grasp any of the subs.

yes i know i sound like panicky smurf. i'm close.

i also feel like a terrible person. and the problem is, i know i am.
i just pretend i'm not. it works. most of the time. *shrugs
except for the days when i wake up and feel bad about it. hmm. i'll live.

boo, know i promised i you i wouldn't post these pictures up but.. *shrugs.
just this one time. i guess. sorry =/
may not be heading to melb to study after all. i'll still be heading down so i guess if nothing else, i'll be there for a week break..

sigh.

may the force be with gummybears,
cheers~